Fears--Conquered!!

"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears" -- Nelson Mandela

*****

In my 25 years...I have definitely conquered fears...I have definitely got into situations that instilled fear...and I feel I overcame them...but it was a matter of necessity.

I remember when I was 5 years old...maybe 6...when I was horrified at the thought of going on any thing at the fair that exceeded the scare-level of the swinging boat-- at least that didn't even get close to going upside down.

Myself and my sister Camile.
Circa 1991

 I'll never forget...my beloved sister Camile...I idolised her, anything she said, it went!Despite being scared to all hell; She convinced me to get on her favourite ride: The Highflyer. I'll never forget the look or the name of that thing...Basiclly you're in a cage and it flies up high and around...basically you go upside down. I remember being strapped in and those safety bars coming over my shoulders, and the reality of it all set it. I had a full on panick attack. Camile laughed and laughed and told me to take it easy. The ride started and the understanding of my non-existent escape came upon me and you know what? I LOVED it. But I did not go on my own accord...I was game...I overcame the fear until the moment of truth and I completely freaked out. Had I not been strapped in-- I would have walked away at the last second. 

 A week and a half ago, within the span of 48 hours, I conquered two fears. The first being jumping off a ledge into a pool of water I could not see more than 2 feet beneath. Before I moved to Australia, my friend Jessica took me to Lake Washington to jump off the diving boards...I barely managed to dive off the kiddy dive board...I have a healthy fear of not jumping into literal pools or caves or anything of which I am unawares of what lies beneath. Quite the opposite for figuratively speaking...

I told Foreste if she jumped, I'd jump...

About 15 minutes later...I finally did

Pretty sure I was damn near crying...I was so happy!

Another thing that happened right before I moved to Australia was my opportunity to hold a snake... a really small one....it was a pet of Tims roommate...and I stepped up...just as I had to that ride 20 years before...and right at the last minute...luckily for me I was not trapped into holding this snake haha...I did what I would have done back then, decide at the last minute I just couldn't.

Not this time...about 48 hours after jumping off that ledge near that humongous waterfall, I was holding a python around my neck!! I backed up because I knew the guy giving us the reptile show, was producing a python...but as he was holding it... I felt drawn to this diamond back python...I walked up slowly and put my hand out to the snakes head...and let it slowly slither on to me...

and just like that...

Allowing my irrational fear to disappear...

....aaaand gone. 

I've decided from now on, my choices will reflect things I hope for...not the things I fear. I've always wanted to overcome these fears..and so my action..my choices reflected that hope-- and I am so happy I did it.

My prayer for us all, is that we ALL will do thus. And my message is that you CAN!! That if you hope for it...but are afraid to take the steps...know that you CAN take those steps...you just actually have to do it...and you will see the things you've hoped for...are absolutely within your grasp.

I promise you...the more and more you say yes to hope and no to fear...the more and more you make those difficult leaps, bounds, even baby steps...the easier they are to make. Gotta start somewhere...

You're incredible...no go forth and conquer!! :)

What I Won't Regret: 25 & VERY Single

Living on the other side of the world....where the constellations are different, because it's a sky some people on the north side of the globe may never get to see....it's an absolutely different world...and it's an absolutely surreal feeling.

Bon Fire on "The Ridge" looking out at miles and miles and miles of earth that meet the horizon.
It was a beautiful nite in Australia.
[November 2013]

In the last three and a half months living in Australia, I have seen, via facebook, pregnancies, babies born, babies grow, engagements, marriages, promotions, people moving, adding new dogs, new cats, new life....just....life happening while I live my slow days here in the country side of NSW, Australia...

I keep thinking about the degree I should finish, I keep thinking of the album I need to finish; I think about the 3 men who have propositioned me in the last year...believe me...being on facebook and seeing new babies every month...don't think I don't want to come home now and start a family with one of those men (well...with the one I truly love)...start a garden, tend a home, raise some babies....I do. I really really do. I REALLY really do...

But....at 25 years old... I'm feeling like I should have a child by now, or the promise of one in the near future, a husband, or a potential husband...a career...a potential career..an album....etc etc etc. Yet, at 25 years old, I realise I have all that I need...and I am exactly where I am meant to be; and in 25 years from now, I will hopefully be with children, going on grandchildren maybe, a career, a few albums....and most importantly the sweet memories of my independence....the memories of the worlds I have seen, the experiences I have had, the growth that can only come from solitude--especially from traveling alone...and of course, the comfort of no regrets. 

Riding Sampson, a humongous Clydesdale...

I can never get over how blessed I am that I have never been faced with the decision to keep or not keep a baby...I will never get over the fact that I have already had so much time in my life spent in solitude....alone...growing absolutely separate from another and having to face the pain and anguish it took to do look life in the face, standing alone, not leaning on a partner or even a sibling. I know so many people who have always had a partner with them or just always with someone, with child, with sister...and I although I wish I had that somedays...I am so and forever grateful that I learnt to be alone. 

I will never get over the fact that at 25 years old I am absolutely free, living in Australia with plans to continue travels over the next year (+)....with the plans to go around and meet men, women & children, sing to them, lift them, encourage them...make the difference I can make until it's time to come home and work on what I need to work on, so that I may continue, for the rest of my days, to make the difference I came to make. 

What I wont regret is that although the opportunity came several times to start a family...I will never regret, even if I don't find my husband in this life, that I never settled. I am a passionate, intelligent, witty, poetic, musical, hard working, open, loving and spiritual being, who loves to cook, keep a clean house, talk philosophy, loves children, wants to change the world, wants to TRAVEL the world, always wants to learn, is excited about life, loves & respects God, has a passionate love for Stevie Wonder, and is forgiving & logical. I just need all of that and more from my husband....and my friend I tell you what-- NOT easy to find. 

And I know one day he'll arrive...He may have already and I just don't know it but...Gods time is perfect...and if I just live and let God, I know it will be all good. I am just going to carry on living my life--because I can't sit here waiting to be domesticated...like I said...as much as the inner old skool lady in me would love that... I have seas to cross and lands to chart..missions to conquer...and in due time...life will unfold as it is meant to do so. I think it's incredible that so many people are starting and having their family life....and don't think I'm over here like "YAY Travels!! Yay Single-hood" ..cos I'm not. I want that life...but I just don't get to have that yet and I'm okay with that :) 

What I would like to promise you all and mostly myself in the next 3 years is this: 

I will live a bit more in Australia and really get that experience in, get my health in order, get my album together, finish a degree of some sort, do mission/motivation work in NZ, Work with an orphanage in the Philippines,  and a tour in America....plus the Stevie Wonder Tribute Show....aaaaand a dodge ball tournament BBQ ;)

Life is so incredible and I just can't even believe it has been given to me....Thank you GOD...and thank you to each and EVERY ONE OF YOU who have been and will be a part of it. I love you. 

-V