Wednesday, December 4, 2013

What I Won't Regret: 25 & VERY Single

Living on the other side of the world....where the constellations are different, because it's a sky some people on the north side of the globe may never get to's an absolutely different world...and it's an absolutely surreal feeling.

Bon Fire on "The Ridge" looking out at miles and miles and miles of earth that meet the horizon.
It was a beautiful nite in Australia.
[November 2013]

In the last three and a half months living in Australia, I have seen, via facebook, pregnancies, babies born, babies grow, engagements, marriages, promotions, people moving, adding new dogs, new cats, new happening while I live my slow days here in the country side of NSW, Australia...

I keep thinking about the degree I should finish, I keep thinking of the album I need to finish; I think about the 3 men who have 
propositioned me in the last year...believe me...being on facebook and seeing new babies every month...don't think I don't want to come home now and start a family with one of those men (well...with the one I truly love)...start a garden, tend a home, raise some babies....I do. I really really do. I REALLY really do... 25 years old... I'm feeling like I should have a child by now, or the promise of one in the near future, a husband, or a potential husband...a career...a potential album....etc etc etc. Yet, at 25 years old, I realise I have all that I need...and I am exactly where I am meant to be; and in 25 years from now, I will hopefully be with children, going on grandchildren maybe, a career, a few albums....and most importantly the sweet memories of my independence....the memories of the worlds I have seen, the experiences I have had, the growth that can only come from solitude--especially from traveling alone...and of course, the comfort of no regrets. 

Riding Sampson, a humongous Clydesdale...
I can never get over how blessed I am that I have never been faced with the decision to keep or not keep a baby...I will never get over the fact that I have already had so much time in my life spent in solitude....alone...growing absolutely separate from another and having to face the pain and anguish it took to do look life in the face, standing alone, not leaning on a partner or even a sibling. I know so many people who have always had a partner with them or just always with someone, with child, with sister...and I although I wish I had that somedays...I am so and forever grateful that I learnt to be alone. 

I will never get over the fact that at 25 years old I am absolutely free, living in Australia with plans to continue travels over the next year (+)....with the plans to go around and meet men, women & children, sing to them, lift them, encourage them...make the difference I can make until it's time to come home and work on what I need to work on, so that I may continue, for the rest of my days, to make the difference I came to make. 

What I wont regret is that although the opportunity came several times to start a family...I will never regret, even if I don't find my husband in this life, that I never settled. I am a passionate, intelligent, witty, poetic, musical, hard working, open, loving and spiritual being, who loves to cook, keep a clean house, talk philosophy, loves children, wants to change the world, wants to TRAVEL the world, always wants to learn, is excited about life, loves & respects God, has a passionate love for Stevie Wonder, and is forgiving & logical. I just need all of that and more from my husband....and my friend I tell you what-- NOT easy to find. 

And I know one day he'll arrive...He may have already and I just don't know it but...Gods time is perfect...and if I just live and let God, I know it will be all good. I am just going to carry on living my life--because I can't sit here waiting to be I much as the inner old skool lady in me would love that... I have seas to cross and lands to chart..missions to conquer...and in due will unfold as it is meant to do so. I think it's incredible that so many people are starting and having their family life....and don't think I'm over here like "YAY Travels!! Yay Single-hood" ..cos I'm not. I want that life...but I just don't get to have that yet and I'm okay with that :) 

What I would like to promise you all and mostly myself in the next 3 years is this: 

I will live a bit more in Australia and really get that experience in, get my health in order, get my album together, finish a degree of some sort, do mission/motivation work in NZ, Work with an orphanage in the Philippines,  and a tour in the Stevie Wonder Tribute Show....aaaaand a dodge ball tournament BBQ ;)

Life is so incredible and I just can't even believe it has been given to me....Thank you GOD...and thank you to each and EVERY ONE OF YOU who have been and will be a part of it. I love you. 


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