I understand well that Pornography is a humongous market, in which (I believe), the majority of our population has ventured into, or actively remain in. It is natural to grow up in a culture that promotes, and distributes it so freely, to become curious as to what it is about.
I was 5 years old the first time I witnessed a pornographic image. Before witnessing this, I was already aware of sex and at a young age, discovered my sexuality-- but that certainly expedited things. To this day, I am a very sexual being. That isn't to say I have sex with a lot of people, on the contrary...but I am aware of myself, my body, and my sexuality. I have been told by several people throughout my life that I exude it at times. I learned at a very young age how to speak without speaking. And when as a preteen, I grew into a woman body, a task I was not meant to take on for many years...I ease of speaking silently came all the quicker.
When I became a teenager, I began to look at porn, and though it was not often-- it was often enough.
By the age of 19, and for a few years after that until I met the latest love of my life, I associated sexual promiscuity with empowerment. I eroticised complete submissiveness with being sexy. I bought into the idea that women were objects during sex and that every nasty awful action or word was to be taken in stride, and in fact, encouraged. I think many young girls have found that as well.
|A young girl actually posted had this photo taken, and posted it somewhere....|
and it is now forever on the internet...this breaks my heart
Mid way through my nearly 5 year on and off relationship with a man I will love and support until my dying day, I made a promise I would never have meaningless sex again. I had discovered what true love in sex was....I had discovered what sexual activity with a man I so deeply connected with...to the CORE of my soul, felt like...and what it meant to me in every aspect of myself. One day, during the "off season", I struggled with myself and my value as a sexual being, and called up an old hook-up. My relationship with this man was NOTHING but sex. We didn't really speak, nor did we really care about one another. I never asked him how things were or the like, and he never asked me.
I called him up that day; I was, and permitted myself, my being, and my body, to be objectified in the most insensitive and unsensual manner. Almost immediately after we began, I regretted it, but felt responsible to finish the deed, or rather, have the deed finished. I had not learnt at that point to say "No." Now I know, at 25, when I decide to engage in sexual activity...it will be because I have thought about it long and hard (pun intended). But seriously...it will have been well thought out before I accept the act of allowing another human to enter my body. Just because I am sexual, does not mean I have to manifest that through sex. One can be absolutely sexy and sexual while abstaining from random or meaningless sex...You're not a winner or conquerer or some sort of vixen if you get him into bed...he wants to go there already.
I walked out of his house, down the street and later that week, cried and became disgusted with my self for weeks to follow. I had become out of touch with my body, and my senses. I felt I had been violated-- and the worse part...was that I had done it to my own damn self.
Since then, I renewed my vow to myself to never ever ever have meaningless sex again. Never ever engage in any sexual conduct with someone I did not have a connection to aside from primitive attraction. If I could not deeply connect with the person, intellectually, spiritually, humour-wise, etc--I would not allow myself to go there. And since then, I never have, despite the many men and many chances that have been brought to my table of sexuality.
I have also vowed to never sleep with a man with whom I would never be okay procreating with. Contraceptives aside, the possible byproduct of having sex, is pregnancy. And God forbid I:
1.) carry a mans child with whom I do not intend to spend my life with (marriage or otherwise).
2.) Abort a child who I knew was a possibility for the actions I took. If ever I become pregnant through consensual sex, it is my responsibility to own up to that. (This is not a narrative on abortion-- I have no qualms with those who DO choose that route. This is for me personally).
I found that through watching porn...I could not properly fantasise as I used to before I had viewed an array of it-- and I have a VERY wonderful, explicit imagination!! But I found myself bombarded with these images...entering my conscience, and telling me what was sexual. Most of it involved submissiveness and objectification.
I found that through porn, men have an expectation of how sex should go...or what I should look like or how I should behave...and what is okay for them to do (and not do i.e. be sensual, touch, kiss, laugh, feel connected).
I think that porn has a very very very shameful affect on society. I feel it inspires a level of aggression that should not be alongside sex. And I think it perpetuates our misogynistic, and rape culture.
I don't find masturbation a problem, whatsoever...I think it is completely natural...but porn is not at all necessary in facilitating that. If ones imagination cannot extend so far that they cannot properly find relief without pornography...then it's time they go outside, or read a book, or paint a picture. If one cannot perform such a natural act without the aid of a video or image that is so very very degrading to women...or glorifying of men and their cocks, they need help. They need a real relationship...they need laughter and comfort, they need sensuality, they need a real lovers touch.
Porn not only allows men to look at women differently, but it develops a complex with their penis. Porn not only allows women to look at themselves differently, but develops a complex with men and their penis'. It's not just the size or the motion of the ocean...it's the connection. It's the human interaction that we have, by way of pornography, taken out of the equation. It has corrupted and perverted our minds, and our reality on one of the most real, mindful, emotional acts a human can take...especially a woman. A woman who is to be penetrated...a woman who lays down and allows this sex to be put inside of her.
|The pen is mightier than the sword...|
Women are already internal creatures, both emotionally and physically. I think it is sad when women go out and sleep with random men because they think they will find comfort, or because it's "fun" or because they find it empowering to capture a man with her body, rather than her mind....her intellect, her talents, her goals.... (Like this role model, Malala Yousafzai)
It allows men to become disconnected with a woman in that way too. She is there now to make sandwiches and lay down on command...
The argument is that a little porn is harmless. But everything we consume, be it through our mouths, our ears or our eyes....every little bit has an affect. You can't tell someone who is on a strict diet that a little piece of chocolate cake is harmless...sure, if you're willing to work out for 2 hours to erase the affect.
Imagine what more it will take to erase the affect that watching 10 minutes of porn a week, a month, a year. Something so in your face, and that solicits such a reaction...is not piece of cake to be worked off in 2 hours.
If you do watch it...ask yourself why? Ask yourself how it has affected your fantasies...Sure it's created new ones, and you've probably grown accustomed to them. Isn't it a challenge to be without? Don't you feel more connected to be without? If that sort of thing is not important to you..then there is not much I can say other than I hope you find another way.
Sex is so intimate and such a passionate act...that I prefer solitude than sex with someone I barely know. Even if it is someone I am deeply connected to, I do not wish to make that a focus. Sex complicates things. It changes the dynamics...and I for one would like to know what it is like when sex is not on the table. I for one would like to keep someone around because of the person I am, and not because of what sexual satisfaction I can provide. I think fasting is a beautiful idea, and fasting from sex for a year...should provide so much more than sex with someone who is not to be my partner forever, could do.
I challenge you to reevaluate how you look/view sex...as a human, as someone who respects themselves, as a person with dignity...what does it mean to you?
Please, feel free to share your thoughts on the subject matter!