Friday, September 6, 2013
C'est tellement mystérieux...
-- Almost every nite, one of the interns here called Tish (and AMAZING young woman) asks everyone what the highlight of their day was.
It was a really large table full of separate conversations, and I got skipped...and thankfully so...because I didn't want to make something up, or give her the second highlight of my day, but I also did not want to tell her that it was in fact when I sat down by the lake, as the sun was on it's way down, and proceeded to weep. I cried and cried for so many things and so many reasons. And it was very very freeing as I had not really allowed myself to do so for a while.
I had a great many things cross my mind, about my life, and the people in it...and how I really could have done better, and been a better being...but, so many times in my life, I simply wasn't. And I wept for that. I wept for a few other things too, but those are mine to keep--that is not for sharing.
Another reason I did was my overwhelming sense of loneliness....I reckon that's why we find so much solace in a significant other...it is a witness to your life, a partner, someone you can share something so beautiful like that hour at the lake today. I was struck with the reality that I have lived a majority of my life, alone. I've had many friends...much family...but there are so many moments in my life, that I was the only one present for...and I suppose that goes for everyone ey? We have our own...perspective...our own way of seeing and living in our own body that belongs solely to us.
Sometimes at dusk, I just stand there in awe of the sun, and the sky, and the new country I have been brought to, where September means Spring, and watch the stars of the milky way start to appear...and just wish I had someone from my past, someone I knew, trusted and loved, to share it with. I suppose that is why it is important we love ourselves huh? We can't always have another being, but we will ALWAYS have ourselves...and in that sense, you always have someone to share something with...
And then of course, there is always The Maker, who, even when we pretend isn't around, is.
Anyway, a very cleansing time...yet of course, not something I could fully explain, as that moment will forever be only mine. As said in one of my most favourite books, The Little Prince:
"C'est tellement mystérieux, le pays des larmes." ("It is so mysterious, the land of tears.")